scheduling, rhythms, choices

Joe was home for a snow-day, yesterday. In the morning he shoveled and I made banana pancakes for everybody. In the afternoon he shoveled and I decluttered and made various appointments for our Spring home repair project. And throughout the day, Sarah and I made Valentine's Day decorations (I really liked the paper heart garland, but the stuffed paper hearts were a lot more work than they look worth) and talked and danced together.

At night we played school together -- reading from Civil War on Sunday, and Sarah's Noah's Ark book of stories, and the "Tyranny is Tyranny" chapter from A Young People's History of the United States. And singing a bunch, of course. We all played Apples to Apples, practiced our calligraphy, and Sarah and Joe played their teddy bear math card game. We were planning to finish up Civil War on Sunday at bed time, but instead watched West Wing together.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, right now. Trying to figure out how to fit everything in. But the main thing I want to fit in is a well-rounded, well-balanced home life for Sarah -- so does that mean cutting down on other things, to help make the whole thing feel more relaxed? But the other stuff is so much fun, for all of us. Maybe can I just learn to hold on to the sense of calm, even when there's so much going on? There was so very much going on this weekend (I was at a weekend retreat and feast, in honor of Brigid, and had an indescribably wonderful time), and I still managed to feel calm -- is it that being responsible for another person is enough to push me over into rushed-and-flustered, sometimes? Because if that's it, it's absolutely time to shift that -- Sarah's old enough to be responsible for so much of her own stuff, it's time for me to set down that particular rock (I picture the tension of different responsibilities as rocks lodged in different places in my body, sometimes) and breathe more easily.

Also a little overwhelmed by the plethora of choices, homeschooling-wise. Every time I hear how another family does it, I find myself thinking "oh, we should be doing more of that!" -- not in a guilty are-we-falling-behind way, but in a wow-that-sounds-like-fun!! way. As I was saying to another mom at LSC (we were there on homeschooling day, so ran into lots of acquaintances), we tend to have trends -- when we're home most days doing lots of focused crafty or academic work I miss our playdate and field trip trends, and when we're out of the house most days I miss our quiet, focused trends. There are so many options for how to spend our time together, so many of them wonderful.

Tuesday we hit Liberty Science Center with Fairy Scouts (we each chose one Most Important thing to see -- dinosaurs (how do scientist know what they know about dinosaurs? I didn't know dinosaur bones had rings like trees!), communication (calligraphy, kente cloth, totem poles, coins, graffiti) , infection (diagnosing disease, banana surgery!)). We rescheduled the visit with my parents (it's gotten cancelled onaccounta weather or traveling issues twice, now) so we'll be meeting them at the NY Aquarium this week. Saturday Joe's got plans to see friends in one of the Boroughs, so Sarah and I are going dancing on our own in NY (I was hoping to make the Chinese New Year celebration in Montclair, but I'm not sure whether we're up for so much in one day). Next week we're taking Joe back to LSC with us, and doing a field trip into the city one day. I'm looking forward to all that, very much.

But when we stay home, right now, we're making books, copying over poetry into our Common Book, making cards, reading Story of the World and A Young People's History of the US, and the kids' version of The Omnivore's Dilemma, and singing together constantly and playing math games... And those are my very favorite days.

*************
I dreamt, last night, that I was on a boat with a friend or two (depending on when it was in the dream) and some other folks (maybe the friend's mom or aunt?). We traveled out into the ocean, to some spot where you could choose to drink from one bit of magical water or the other, depending on how you were feeling about yourself (there were only two choices -- high esteem or low esteem, nothing inbetween). I couldn't decide whether to drink from the water that was for people who felt powerful and accomplished, or not -- because declaring that I was powerful and accomplished would take so much more energy -- first just to let myself feel that way, and then to live up to it, to step up and do what I'd declared (admitted) I was capable of. Drinking from the lesser-self water would have been so much easier, and would have let me relax a little longer. Finally, though, I drank from the Awesome Self water, scooping it up with this quaint little liqueur glass. Once you'd chosen, you could drink from another, larger, body of water, but I don't remember what that water would impart. It was either additional power or talents, or it was a glimpse of the future, I don't know. There was a lot more detail to the dream, including a long journey there and back, but I can't make sense of the bits and pieces I remember at the moment. I completely understand my dream-self's ambivalence, but I'm glad she made the more challenging choice. I look forward to seeing what comes next.