Friday, January 15, 2016

Antisocial Friday Five

I haven't done the Friday Five in years, but I never did take it off my feed, and this week's questions spoke to me, so here we are. :)

1. What makes it easy to talk to someone?
Someone who asks questions, listens without interrupting, and speaks... I don't know if there's a term for this, but I enjoy talking with people who say things like "I've noticed, among my friends" or "I tend toward thinking that X, although of course that could be because Y" instead of speaking in absolutes, generalizations, or as if their opinions are objectively true. I like speaking with people who are receptive to new ideas, new experiences, and who are curious about the experiences of the people around them. People who are more interested in a mutual exploration of ideas than a debate.

2. What percent of the day do you spend talking?
On work days, I talk a lot. On home days, while we enjoy talking to each other, we enjoy being quiet together just as much, and without the need to answer lots of questions or lead any classes I find myself talking quite a bit less than on work days.

3. Who, in your opinion communicates better: men or women?
When I was a teen I thought that men communicated better because my experience was that boys said exactly what they were thinking and were very laidback about etiquette while girls had all sorts of unspoken social expectations and were more demanding about etiquette (etiquette I was often unaware of until I'd run afoul of it). As an adult I find that I mostly prefer talking with women, because my experience is that they listen better, ask more insightful questions, and are less likely to jump in with their unsolicited opinions and less likely to assume that they're right or that they're more informed than the people around them. But both of those things are really about how people have been socialized, and are generalizations. One of my few conservative friends, someone I like and respect, is a guy who genuinely listens to the other side and who disagrees by asking questions more than by making broad, inflammatory statements. Some of my female friends are very good at saying exactly what they mean and letting me know upfront what their expectations are. So it really depends.

4. What topics do you avoid when talking to a stranger?
For the most part I only talk to strangers about light stuff -- how long the line is taking, how the hors d'oevres are, how they know the bride and groom. I'm not interested in other people's opinions on my life or decisions and in my experience way too many people think that being vegetarian or a homeschooler or any number of other things about me give them the right to poke their noses into my business. I can tell them to mind their own business if I need to, but I'd rather just keep them at arm's length and limit our conversation to inconsequentials. That said, if the stranger in question turns out to be a conversationalist along the lines of what I described in question 1, I'm happy to discuss anything and everything with them, regardless of how short a time we've known each other.

5. Do you like to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?
Not especially. There's a guy at the library who has a deep, resonant voice and who obviously loves being the center of attention. He likes to sit and talk with his friends, very loudly, in the cafe area, about various musicians and artists and historical figures. It's really unpleasant. I want to say to him, hasn't anyone ever told you that it's unforgivably rude to dominate the space like that? I started carrying headphones to the library because of him -- so that I have the option of tuning him out at least a little. I don't want to know about his opinions on anything, I don't want to know about those two old ladies' health problems and their friends' health problems, I don't want to know about the teenagers' dating woes, I don't want to know about that other old guy's political opinions. I want to sit and drink my tea, read my book, and maybe talk quietly with a companion.
 

Monday, January 11, 2016

Settling in to the year



What I'm up to:

Reading: _What You Should Know About Politics... But Don't_. I started looking into it for class (I'm teaching a polisci class this session) and while it's not what I needed for class, it seems like it's a good general intro for someone like me -- I tend to know quite a bit about a couple pet causes, and very little about the rest of what's going on. I've really just started it, so I don't have much of a review yet, but so far I'm pleased. For the info I'm already familiar with it seems painfully basic and simplified, but that's apparently just what I need for the topics I'm not already familiar with. 

Listening to:








Watching:
We've been renting from Amazon, recently. The Man from UNCLE movie, which was a lot of fun, although it would have been disappointing, I think, if I'd been invested in it faithfully recreating the TV series. The Librarians second season, which was also a lot of fun, although not as good as the first season (in my opinion it's because Noah Wyle's Librarian is a delightfully annoying character when he shows up for 15 minutes twice a season. The moment the actor lost his old show and started showing up more often, I was done with him. He's the executive producer, unfortunately, so I doubt they're going to send him off into the abyss any time soon. More's the pity.). And... Oh, the most recent Mission Impossible movie, which was not much fun at all. We watch Ghost Protocol pretty often because it's silly and fun to watch. I really wasn't looking for great cinema, here. But the most recent one isn't silly, isn't fun to watch, hardly uses the team members who made the other ones (I've only seen the 1st and 4th) entertaining, and wasn't worth the money or the time we spent on it.

Doing:
We finally managed to have folks over for the monthly singalong, after waving them off the last two months because of health stuff. The RPG was really good, this month (there's something for everyone in this adventure, which isn't always the case -- in some of our adventures we've had one session in which a character has loads to do, and then the next month there's just nothing for them because of the way the scenes flow (whether they take longer than expected or other characters do unexpected things or just because of how the dice roll), and there are so many interesting little fiddly bits for us to explore and investigate). I managed to get together with a group of old friends I see *way* too rarely these days.

Also started seeing my TCM dude again, and making some much-needed changes to my routine, to better support my health.

Eating/Cooking:
I started eating steel cut oats and stewed apples in the morning again, and I'm really enjoying it (I'd stopped because I was bored out of my mind with it, but apparently taking a break for a couple years was just what I needed). Tonight I'm experimenting with a noodle-and-canellini-bean dish we made a couple days ago, turning the leftovers into a garlicky soup.

Something that went particularly well, this week:
Seeing friends. Taking control of my health. Doing a really good job of maintaining work boundaries.

Something that went less well:
Anxiety through the roof. Hence the visit to TCM dude, and the changes in routines.

Something I'm grateful for:
The stubbornness I inherited from a variety of family members and further cultivated on my own.

Something I'm thinking about:
The next 20 years. I know I'd said a few times in the last year or two that I feel as if I'm shifting from the rhythms of the last 20 years to the rhythms for the next 20 years, but I actually think I've been in more of a bardo, knowing that new rhythms were needed but not yet knowing what they would be, and maybe not yet being ready to step into them. I'm ready now.

Something I'm looking forward to:
Various upcoming chances to see friends. How I'll be feeling a month from now, once I've stuck to these new routines for a month.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Happy New Year!

What I'm up to:

Reading: The Wood Wife, book two in my Christmas readathon.  Another old favorite, to reconnect with my love of reading.

Listening to:
After a reference to Josquin in Ex Libris, I looked him up, and am enchanted.



Watching:
The Kim Possible DVDs one of us got for Christmas.  Winter Soldier.

Doing:
Earlier this week we drove into Queens for our Christmas visit with my Grandma.  In a lovely bit of synchronicity, the rest of my family also chose that day for their Christmas visit, so I got the chance to really relax and visit with everyone in a way I couldn't when I was busy hosting on Christmas Eve.  It was so indescribably good to see them all.  Other than that we're mostly reading, decluttering, and watching movies.  No board games so far this week.  We must fix that.

Eating/Cooking:
For Christmas we did mostly finger foods -- we made a very lemony hummus and herby focaccia -- and scones and apple spice cake.

Something that went particularly well, this week:
Our routines were cozy and we stuck to them at least moderately well.  Sitting together and reading in the morning was...  really good.

Something that went less well:
A bit of a stomach bug.  A bit of anxiety.  A bit of grief.

Something I'm grateful for:
My family.  Having the freedom and the luxury to make the choices I'm making about shifting my focus to home and family.

Something I'm thinking about:
What kind of magic phone I should get.

Something I'm looking forward to:
June. Sunday, to have one more relaxing day at home before shifting into the school/work week.  Monday, to start getting more deeply into my new work practices.