We got back to our homeschooling routines, this week, and today's Fairy Scouts is at K's house. So I've got the day to myself, for planning and organizing and such. I'm taking a portion of the day as a retreat, because this was a fairly rough week, emotionally, and I'm feeling the need for a little detoxing.

I don't usually post about this stuff here, thinking of this as mostly our homeschool space. But more and more, even as we're moving into a more schooly homeschooling style in some ways, I'm also expanding my perspective to consider our whole lives to be part of our homeschool style/experience. So I find myself posting about my retreat plans.

Thinking about my retreat time, considering how I want to spend it, I thought of some of the reading I was doing the other night. Following up on some annoying symptoms I've been having, I came across this question -- "what are you afraid of losing?" Which, of course, is the underlying issue I've been dealing with for the last couple months, the fear of loss. The associated affirmation is "I willingly release with joy". Which, okay, yeah, I can work with that idea. But I don't really know what it means. How can you release with joy? Accept that it's time to let go of something, maybe. But joy? I don't understand that. Not that I don't think it's possible, I just can't get a grip on the concept. So for today I'm sitting with it, just contemplating the question. How can I release with joy? What does that mean? What might it look or feel like?

I think this is how my day is going to go:

* morning mantras
* breakfast
* sweeps (that is, basic tidying up)
* exercise
* homeschool organizing -- researching field trips and classes, collecting the books and supplies we're likely to use next week

* retreat time:
- self-hypnosis
- journaling and/or art therapy
- mindfulness meditation during food prep
- lunch
- chi kung meditation (if I can find the CD)
- further declutter the house and clear out email as part of the "releasing with joy" work
- watch a movie (yeah, this is part of the retreat work -- one of my self-prescriptions is to curl up on the futon with a blanket and watch movies that comfort me, especially movies I associate with my childhood)
* pick Sarah up, head out for the evening

Sarah and I have been pondering how we want to organize our Fall semester -- pick a curriculum, write our own curriculum, continue picking a couple themes each month, go back to picking books at random from our collection each morning.

Today we spent about 8 hours wandering around the city -- taking the ferry in, traveling up to Pommes Frites for belgian fries and over to the Doughnut Factory to see the place from Throwdown with Bobby Flay, then meandering through Central Park, attempting to go to the Zoo (got there too late -- can you believe they close at 5pm?!) and then sitting in the lowering dusk, listening to Shostakovich at the Naumberg Bandshell before starting the long trek home. Telling Sarah and K our stories of wandering the city as high school and college students, and the stories of our grandparents and great grandparents settling in the Lower East Side for years before making the journey out to the ancestral homeland -- Queens!

And now I want to lobby for making our entire Fall curriculum *NYC* -- exploring the city itself, as well as the depth and breadth of our family connection to the city. At the moment she declares she's never walking again (today was a *lot* of walking, in fairly humid city air), so I might give it a few days before I start my campaign...