I haven't done the Friday Five in years, but I never did take it off my feed, and this week's questions spoke to me, so here we are. :)
1. What makes it easy to talk to someone?
Someone who asks questions, listens without interrupting, and speaks... I don't know if there's a term for this, but I enjoy talking with people who say things like "I've noticed, among my friends" or "I tend toward thinking that X, although of course that could be because Y" instead of speaking in absolutes, generalizations, or as if their opinions are objectively true. I like speaking with people who are receptive to new ideas, new experiences, and who are curious about the experiences of the people around them. People who are more interested in a mutual exploration of ideas than a debate.
2. What percent of the day do you spend talking?
On work days, I talk a lot. On home days, while we enjoy talking to each other, we enjoy being quiet together just as much, and without the need to answer lots of questions or lead any classes I find myself talking quite a bit less than on work days.
3. Who, in your opinion communicates better: men or women?
When I was a teen I thought that men communicated better because my experience was that boys said exactly what they were thinking and were very laidback about etiquette while girls had all sorts of unspoken social expectations and were more demanding about etiquette (etiquette I was often unaware of until I'd run afoul of it). As an adult I find that I mostly prefer talking with women, because my experience is that they listen better, ask more insightful questions, and are less likely to jump in with their unsolicited opinions and less likely to assume that they're right or that they're more informed than the people around them. But both of those things are really about how people have been socialized, and are generalizations. One of my few conservative friends, someone I like and respect, is a guy who genuinely listens to the other side and who disagrees by asking questions more than by making broad, inflammatory statements. Some of my female friends are very good at saying exactly what they mean and letting me know upfront what their expectations are. So it really depends.
4. What topics do you avoid when talking to a stranger?
For the most part I only talk to strangers about light stuff -- how long the line is taking, how the hors d'oevres are, how they know the bride and groom. I'm not interested in other people's opinions on my life or decisions and in my experience way too many people think that being vegetarian or a homeschooler or any number of other things about me give them the right to poke their noses into my business. I can tell them to mind their own business if I need to, but I'd rather just keep them at arm's length and limit our conversation to inconsequentials. That said, if the stranger in question turns out to be a conversationalist along the lines of what I described in question 1, I'm happy to discuss anything and everything with them, regardless of how short a time we've known each other.
5. Do you like to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?
Not especially. There's a guy at the library who has a deep, resonant voice and who obviously loves being the center of attention. He likes to sit and talk with his friends, very loudly, in the cafe area, about various musicians and artists and historical figures. It's really unpleasant. I want to say to him, hasn't anyone ever told you that it's unforgivably rude to dominate the space like that? I started carrying headphones to the library because of him -- so that I have the option of tuning him out at least a little. I don't want to know about his opinions on anything, I don't want to know about those two old ladies' health problems and their friends' health problems, I don't want to know about the teenagers' dating woes, I don't want to know about that other old guy's political opinions. I want to sit and drink my tea, read my book, and maybe talk quietly with a companion.
1. What makes it easy to talk to someone?
Someone who asks questions, listens without interrupting, and speaks... I don't know if there's a term for this, but I enjoy talking with people who say things like "I've noticed, among my friends" or "I tend toward thinking that X, although of course that could be because Y" instead of speaking in absolutes, generalizations, or as if their opinions are objectively true. I like speaking with people who are receptive to new ideas, new experiences, and who are curious about the experiences of the people around them. People who are more interested in a mutual exploration of ideas than a debate.
2. What percent of the day do you spend talking?
On work days, I talk a lot. On home days, while we enjoy talking to each other, we enjoy being quiet together just as much, and without the need to answer lots of questions or lead any classes I find myself talking quite a bit less than on work days.
3. Who, in your opinion communicates better: men or women?
When I was a teen I thought that men communicated better because my experience was that boys said exactly what they were thinking and were very laidback about etiquette while girls had all sorts of unspoken social expectations and were more demanding about etiquette (etiquette I was often unaware of until I'd run afoul of it). As an adult I find that I mostly prefer talking with women, because my experience is that they listen better, ask more insightful questions, and are less likely to jump in with their unsolicited opinions and less likely to assume that they're right or that they're more informed than the people around them. But both of those things are really about how people have been socialized, and are generalizations. One of my few conservative friends, someone I like and respect, is a guy who genuinely listens to the other side and who disagrees by asking questions more than by making broad, inflammatory statements. Some of my female friends are very good at saying exactly what they mean and letting me know upfront what their expectations are. So it really depends.
4. What topics do you avoid when talking to a stranger?
For the most part I only talk to strangers about light stuff -- how long the line is taking, how the hors d'oevres are, how they know the bride and groom. I'm not interested in other people's opinions on my life or decisions and in my experience way too many people think that being vegetarian or a homeschooler or any number of other things about me give them the right to poke their noses into my business. I can tell them to mind their own business if I need to, but I'd rather just keep them at arm's length and limit our conversation to inconsequentials. That said, if the stranger in question turns out to be a conversationalist along the lines of what I described in question 1, I'm happy to discuss anything and everything with them, regardless of how short a time we've known each other.
5. Do you like to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?
Not especially. There's a guy at the library who has a deep, resonant voice and who obviously loves being the center of attention. He likes to sit and talk with his friends, very loudly, in the cafe area, about various musicians and artists and historical figures. It's really unpleasant. I want to say to him, hasn't anyone ever told you that it's unforgivably rude to dominate the space like that? I started carrying headphones to the library because of him -- so that I have the option of tuning him out at least a little. I don't want to know about his opinions on anything, I don't want to know about those two old ladies' health problems and their friends' health problems, I don't want to know about the teenagers' dating woes, I don't want to know about that other old guy's political opinions. I want to sit and drink my tea, read my book, and maybe talk quietly with a companion.
