Sunday, September 15, 2013

I have not been indulging in much of anything, this past week.  It was the first week of the school, and while I'm very proud of the work we've done to bring things together, I'm so focused on analyzing what I could have done better, figuring out what we could have done differently as a team, and planning what to do next, that I've done very little else.  My body and spirit are making it very clear that that will have to change, and quickly.  This weekend I figured out what sort of weekly rhythm makes sense, and now it's just a question of training myself to stick to it.  No more editing work in the middle of the night, or checking work email every 15 minutes throughout the day.

Last weekend we worked to get the school space ready, and I did immense amounts of data entry and administrative work.  But then Sunday I carved out fully half the day to go down to a young friend's birthday party.  That carving out time to be with friends was an indulgence in itself, but what I'm most pleased about is that, when the conversation got stressful and triggery, I was able to take the practice I've done with mindfulness and with indulgence, and let myself sink into the simple pleasures of sitting on a sunny porch with friends, feeling the wall against my back, the floor beneath me, and the breezes on my skin.  And then, later, I indulged in a moment of connection with a friend.  We're both, I think, a little bashful about our sentimentality, and we just took a moment of mutual appreciation, just sort of blushing and glowing at each other, delighting in our friendship.  What deeply lovely pleasure. 

Oh!  And one more, small indulgence, this week.  On Friday Sarah and I went to meet Joe after work, and walked down to Ben and Jerry's, where I indulged in my one ice cream of the season (I'd had a little bit earlier this summer, savoring a spoonful of vanilla ice cream to go with the brandied cherries we'd made, but this was my one real summer ice cream indulgence, half a dozen spoonfuls or so of a kids' sized cup of chocolate ice cream).   I was nervous to try for more, because it'd already been such a sneezy sort of week, with whatever plant matter's been in the air, but I utterly indulged in those spoonfuls!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The days are running together, as we get closer and closer to the first day of school. Yesterday I had a brief lunch with dear friends celebrating S's birthday, and the rest of the day was spent kicking ass on work stuff.

Lunch was the definition of indulgence. Carving out an hour or two to sit in a cozy room made even cozier by the time and effort our gracious hostess had put into laying out a beautiful, nourishing feast. Her home has such an intentional, harmonious energy to it, and is such a pleasure to visit, and every single guest brought something wonderful to the table (literally and figuratively). I had to consciously lay aside all the things I brought with me into the space (the Getting $@%# Done mindset I've been cultivating for work, and the kind of rowdy, mischievous, smartass energy I'd been carrying around with me in my downtime, this week), and settle into the conversation and community, but once I did it made for such a delightfully warm and relaxed interlude in the day.

Work was more complicated, but just as enjoyable. I have many flaws, and many things with which I struggle, but I am immensely proud of and satisfied with the work I've been doing for the school. Yesterday I absolutely *reveled* in beating and wrangling and kneading and cajoling the administrative structure of the school into a shape that can reliably support the needs of the students and the whole community well into the future. By the end of the day I was snarling and growling and keening with the rush of power and the visceral thrill of victory that came from grappling with work that is challenging, satisfying, and that uses all my favorite skills. I want to curl up on top of the work I produced, yesterday, like a dragon curling up on top of its hoard, or a great cat yowling over a successful kill.